Meet Joseph.

Name Joseph

Age 21

How effective is dating apps in your social/love life? I have made a couple good friends from them. Aside from that I find they don’t really get you anywhere, just a lot of dead ends. It really has dumbed down how we interact with people in real life as well sadly.

What are your general thoughts on sexual racism? I think people blur sexual racism with the idea of preference. Like it is fine to prefer people with blonde hair or darker skin etc… but what I’ve noticed is if you tell someone you’re a certain race or background they will instantly be disinterested which has been really disappointing to me.

What 5 words would you use to identify yourself? Australian. American. Beach. Create. Introverted.

How do users on these dating apps identify you as? If you don’t look particularly white people will assume you’re different and want to know where you’re from. So I’d say about 100% of the conversations I have on a dating app the question of my ethnicity will come up. As I get asked it so much, I’ve started asking the other person what they think, and the responses are literally everything under the sun. I get South American, Middle Eastern, Islander, Filipino, Indian, Spanish, and a lot of “Half somethings” – if you think of a country, someone’s probably asked me if I’m from there.

Have you experienced sexual racism on dating apps? To some extent. I don’t know if I can call it racism if we both tick that same ethnicity box. In terms of prejudice against the way I look, yes, I have experienced that.

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said to you on these dating apps? Being told my eyes were too slanted for their taste was pretty hurtful.

Someone else said I had nice lips so they’d honour me by allowing me to give them a blowjob… but they weren’t into ethnics so they’d close their eyes.

I think in general it’s pretty hurtful if people critique your appearance on apps, but its solely based on appearance. Getting blocked instantly after showing more photos of your face makes you question what’s wrong with you. It’s hard not to take it personally if it happens time and time again and it really pays a toll on my self-esteem.

Do you identify yourself with one or more of the tribes? I don’t like the idea of tribes at all and try not to associate myself with labels like that. I think it’s a really sad reflection of gay culture. We already get stereotyped from other communities, then we do it to ourselves too?

Meet John.

Name John

Age 24

What is your ethnicity? Asian: Filipino

How effective is dating apps in your social/love life? Not very effective. I feel reluctant or shy to say anything on it. I wait for someone to talk to me.

What are your general thoughts on sexual racism? I find there is some racial discrimination when it comes to dating or some would say a sexual preference. I myself, have a preference but I would never put any persons down based on their race.

What 5 words would you use to identify yourself? Picky, bubbly, happy, mix between intro and extroverted?, hopeless romantic lol

How do users on these dating apps identify you as? Otter? Asian? Some would think – Asians generally are known to have a small penis, which I think it’s a ridiculous thought. And I think this is partly why some people are racially dismissive when it comes to dating Asians? If that makes sense.

Have you experienced sexual racism on dating apps? Definitely. 

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said to you on these dating apps? I’ve had “yuck, no Asians pls”

Meet Steven.

It may seem as if sexual racism is a crazy concept. In the next couple of days, I will be talking to a couple of guys and ask their experiences with dating apps and their views on sexual racism.

Name Steven Sheik Hossen

Age 23

What is your ethnicity? Australian- Mauritian

How effective is dating apps in your social/love life? Dating apps are not very effective for me. I’ve never had a partner.

What are your general thoughts on sexual racism? I hate racism in general.

What 5 words would you use to identify yourself? Mauritian, Nerd, Fighter, Cheeky, Sweetheart. 

How do users on these dating apps identify you as? Many users on dating apps try to identify me as black or Indian

Have you experienced sexual racism on dating apps? I experience sexual racism on a regular basis.

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said to you on these dating apps? “You’re a dirty, smelly Indian. Take a shower”

Do you identify yourself with one or more of the tribes? I do not identify with any of the tribes and I don’t want too

Tribes

Are you a twink, a bear or just a plain geek?

Gay guys seem to love categorising themselves and others in specific groups. Grindr uses the term ‘tribes’ in order to pigeonhole guys based on their physique. This can definitely be a controversy but CEO of Grindr Joel Simkhai thinks otherwise.

“Tribes allow you to identify as a member of a community of group that bests describes you…Choosing a Grindr Tribe has its benefits. The more fields you fill out about yourself the more likely you will match someone else’s search.”

Note that some of these terms have already been covered in the gay dating app vocal post. The tribes that users identify with on Grindr include:

Bear – Men characterised as heavy set/ bulky in shape, usually hairy, strong and big (Think Seth Rogen)

Clean Cut – Men who are always clean shaven, well dressed and well groomed (Think Joseph Gordon Levitt)

Daddy – An older guy usually in his 30’s and onwards, who usually dates younger men. (Think George Clooney)

Discreet – A term usually describing a guy who is not necessarily out of the closet or don’t associate with the gay scene.

Geek – Guys who enjoy the world of gaming, sci-fi and all things nerdy (Think Benedict Cumberbatch)

Jock – Athletic build, muscular and often is quite sporty. (Think Zac Efron)

Leather – Guys who often enjoy wearing leatherwear and usually involves in the act of BDSM.

Otter – Average to muscular body type who are often hairy. (Think Daniel Radcliffe)

Poz – HIV Positive.

Rugged – A guy who is quite scruffy (Think Hugh Jackman)

Trans – Transgender; both m2f (male to female transition) or f2m (female to male transition) can either be post-op or pre-op and is usually stated on their profile

Twink – Younger guys with slender builds, and often are smooth (hairless) (Think Troye Sivan)

So what do you think about the concept of tribes? Which tribe(s) do you belong to? Do you have a certain tribe type? Sound off below!

The Dating Game

Reality television is a guilty pleasure for many of us and we often find ourselves screaming at the tv because the Bachelor gave the last rose to the wrong bitch. These dating shows are definitely rich sources of entertainment but do offer a perspective into the harsh reality of how race is a considerable attribute in types.

Shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are often criticised for lacking diversity and reflect badly on production and casting. Many of these shows often feel obliged in promoting a sense of diversity by casting one to a couple of ‘ethnics’ only to see them go home within the first couple of weeks.

A new dating show called Finding Prince Charming premiered last month on American cable station Logo TV. The show is basically The Bachelor for gay guys. This show has caused so many controversies… for obvious reasons but also due to its casting. Many on Twitter have voiced out saying that there is not enough diversity within the cast which reflects the current problem of dating apps, and the gay community in general. Here are a few tweets of viewers voicing their opinions on the show itself and its casting.

Also, watch the trailer for Finding Prince Charming here.

Homonormativity

In the past and even till this day, the LGBT community has suffered the hardships of discrimination and overall negative attitudes from society. Many have looked down upon people who identify themselves as LGBT and are often excluded and rejected by family, friends, workplaces, and society in general due to the negative stigma placed on them.

In saying this, it is surprising to discover that the concept of homonormativity exists within such an already neglected community. Just like heteronormativity, homonormativity is the idea that an ideal image and a strict quota should be adhered and conform to in order to be respected and treated equally by other gay guys. This involves lifestyle choices as well as behavioural and physical attributes that should be adopted.

The LGBT community is often misrepresented in mainstream media due to the growing effect of homonormativity. This can be seen through gay characters on television and in movies often portrayed as middle class muscular white men. This results to the portrayal of a small piece of the puzzle and often a false depiction of the community as a whole.

This essentially can be seen as adding to the problem of sexual racism and thus the neglect of certain groups of people based on what isn’t classified the social norms of the gay community.